


The Last Of The Real Ones

by divergentrebel13



Category: Divergent - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2019-01-18 01:35:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12378174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/divergentrebel13/pseuds/divergentrebel13
Summary: Young Volcanoes Sequel: Years after the war, new information comes to light about just how rare being Divergent was. Now, the fence has been compromised and Tris and Tobias must not only protect themselves, but their son. Divergent AU [SERIES SPOILERS] – M for violence/language





	1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: All rights to _Divergent_ belong to Veronica Roth. No copyright infringement intended.

****

**_The Last of the Real Ones_ **

 

_I know this whole damn city thinks it needs you, but not as much as I do. ~ Fall Out Boy, The Last of the Real Ones_

 

_[Thirteen years after the war]_

**_PROLOGUE_ **

**TRIS POV:**

            The wind blows my hair around my face making me think, for the hundredth time today, that I should just cut it again. Again, as in like I did thirteen years ago as I was running from Erudite to save my life.

            The memory makes my stomach tighten and I forget all thoughts about cutting my hair.

            I sit on a soft blanket in the middle of Memorial Park, a small area surrounding the war memorial we created so long ago. It has become a favorite spot of Tobias and I to meet for lunch. Ever since Drew was born eight months ago Tobias has insisted we meet him for lunch whenever possible. Drew and I got here early to get the best spot, right in the middle of the park.

            I get the sudden feeling that I’m being watched. Assuming it is Tobias, I turn around with a smile, and am met with blue eyes. But they’re not the shining blue eyes of my husband.

            I swear, for a moment, the eyes of his father were staring at me from the darkness of the bushes behind us. But when I try to get a better look, they’re gone.

            I shake off my nerves, because this is not the first time this has happened to me. I often think I see my parents walking through the crowd, or Harrison grumbling with a group of former dauntless down the street.

            Those things will never happen again though.

            I’ll never see my parents again, and Harrison will never walk the streets with his friends either. While Marcus was released from prison three years ago, he has never tried to get in contact with Tobias, so I have no reason to believe he would be stalking me from the bushes.

            I sigh and try to shake my mind of all of the sad thoughts.

            Tobias approaches then, and a grin instantly appears on his face when he sees Drew.

            “There’s my man,” he says as he lifts Drew’s little body into his arms. Drew promptly spits up on Tobias’ shoulder.

            “Come on, buddy. Dad has to go back to work after this,” I reprimand, and quickly wipe Tobias’ shoulder up.

            “Hi,” Tobias says to be after he sits down with Drew in his lap. I get a quick peck on my cheek at my return greeting.

            “How have you two been today?” Tobias asks as I hand him a sandwich.

            “We were crabby all morning until you showed up,” I tell him, remembering the hassle Drew put me through when I was trying to feed him this morning and his fit when I tried to get him dressed.

            Lunch passes by with conversation of Tobias’ day so far, and more stories of Drew. Tobias doesn’t like to miss out on anything baby related.

            He was terrified at first. The thought of having a child is scary on its own, but add in Tobias’ issues with his own father, he spent many nights telling me of his fears that he would end up like Marcus.

            I, on the other hand, knew he would be the most loving and caring father out there.

            I was right.

           

~.~.~

 

            The next morning Tobias grabs the baby monitor and drags me to our basement. Every Saturday he insists that we use our mini training room. We have a few punching bags, some weights, and a small padded center. Tobias and I are both happy with how our city has come back from the war, but we’ve seen too much to become complacent. We may not technically be Dauntless anymore, but that doesn’t mean we don’t still have that side of ourselves.

            Christina and Will call us paranoid, but we don’t care. That also hasn’t stopped them from using our training room periodically either.

            Our training is cut short when Tobias gets called into work. It’s not unusual for him to get called in on the weekend, but it is always disappointing. Between his job as a city leader, Drew, and me working at the tattoo shop a few days a week we really only have the weekends to spend some extended time together.

            He leaves me at the front door with a kiss that makes me want to drop Drew off with Christina and drag him back to our room for a few hours. And his cocky smirk as he leaves lets me know he knew just what he was doing.

            I put my hair up to get it out of my face and get Drew up to help me with breakfast. I bring Drew out of his room and set him up in the kitchen with me.

            I don’t have to think much about the process of making breakfast, but I try not to let my mind wander too much. No matter how many years it has been, whenever my mind is idle flashes of the war cross my mind. Memories of simulations of watching Tobias and my family die still haunt my subconscious.

            When I turn around to start to feed Drew all of my negative thoughts vanish out of my head as I look at his chubby little cheeks, covered in pureed vegetables.

            Then the lights go out.

            It makes my blood run cold.

            There is no reason for the electricity to go out. After the war, we reorganized the whole city and I know a team of former Erudite and Dauntless started reworking the power grid. It was efficient before, but by linking the whole city as one, as opposed to having it broken down by factions, the power grid is now even more reliable than it used to be. I had to listen to Tobias talk about it for almost three months.

            Even in the old system, I never remember the power ever going out.

Not once.

I peak out the small window in our kitchen and see some lights on down the street. So, it’s just us without power then.

I turn around to grab Drew, who has been surprisingly quiet while I think through the situation, but his chair is empty. Then I see Marcus sitting on the couch with Drew in his lap.

My heart goes into double time seeing that man hold my child. Images from Tobias’ fear landscape flash through my mind and I have to actively keep myself from just throwing my body at him.

_Not while he has Drew._

“Marcus,” I greet him. My tone is anything but pleasant, through.

“Beatrice. How have you been?” The sound of his voice makes my stomach churn.

“Better than you,” I snap back. I can see the rage in his eyes. It doesn’t matter how polite I am to him, so I drop all pleasantries.

Marcus sets Drew down on the couch and approaches me. He’s nearly a foot taller than me, but now that he’s not holding Drew I have the advantage.

Marcus eventually stops in front of me, much too close for my comfort.

“You ruined . . . everything,” he seethes.

Before I can reply his hands are locked around my throat in a vise grip, blocking all of my air. He pushes me into the closest wall, my head banging against it so hard I lose my train of thought for a moment.

Then my nails dig into any exposed skin he has, and my knee makes contact with his groin.

As soon as his hands let go of my neck I fall to the ground, gasping for breath. I get as far away from him as I can while he’s down, but it’s not far enough to reach what I need. Marcus grabs my leg and pulls me back down and lands a solid punch to the right side of my face.

My arms reach blindly into the cabinets around me and I pull out the first thing my hands reach and smack Marcus with it. It shatters to the ground, leaving Marcus stunned long enough for me to stand and get to the drawer on the far side of the kitchen.

Marcus stands, ready to charge at me again, but pauses when he sees me.

“Don’t take another step,” I say, clicking the bullet into place.

Despite my warning Marcus moves toward me and I put a bullet in his kneecap.

As soon as he is down I make some makeshift binds with the dishtowel I had on the counter and leave him bleeding on the floor of the kitchen.

I pick up a crying Drew and hug him to me, breathing him in. I quickly feel over his tiny body to make sure nothing is hurt on him.

I get Drew out of the house as soon as possible. I’m five paces away from Christina’s front door when Tobias shouts for me.

“Tris! What happened?” Tobias is flanked by five security officers, all former Dauntless members that I recognize.

“Marcus is inside. I – he’s tied up and his knee – “ I stutter, but I’m more shaken up that I realized. I haven’t had to do anything like this is so long.

Tobias freezes in place, the security officers mimicking him. It only takes him a moment to come to his senses.

Tobias approaches Drew and I, looking over both of us. I must already have a bruise on my face, because Tobias’ eyes land there.

“He did that to you?”

“Yes,” I sigh.

“Are you okay, otherwise? Is Drew – “

“We’re both okay.”

Tobias sighs and looks to the officers behind him. “I can take care of this,” he dismisses them.

They don’t question him.

“Take Drew to Christina’s and wait for me there, okay?” Tobias whispers to me, even though we’re alone in the middle of the street now.

“I’m not letting you handle this alone. Do not go in there without me,” I run Drew over to Christina’s, barely telling her anything before racing back to Tobias.

“Let’s go,” I say.

Entering our house with Marcus in it seems to send us both back thirteen years. Marcus has managed to limp over to the couch and made himself at home.

He makes me sick.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Tobias asks.

“What I should have done thirteen years ago,” Marcus grumbles. “She . . . you both ruined it.”

“Ruined what?” My curiosity gets the best of me.

“Don’t talk to me you stupid – “

Tobias has a gun out of his belt and pressed against Marcus’ forehead before he can blink.

“Say one word about my wife and it’ll be the last thing you do.”

“You’re both good for nothing – “

Then Tobias shoots.


	2. Chapter 1

_Long live the pioneers, rebels and mutineers. Go forth and have no fear. Come close the end is near. ~ X Ambassadors, Renegades_

 

**CHAPTER 1 – _Two Years Later_**

 

            Three things pique my interest when I start to wake up: whispers, giggles, and the stomp of tiny feet. I reach my arm over to Tobias’ side of the bed, unsurprised when I find it empty and cold.

            Before I can turn over to look towards the sound of the giggles, the bed dips and a tiny body falls into my arms.

            “Mama!”

            “Hey, buddy,” I say with a smile.

            Drew is already dressed, and has eaten his breakfast if the orange stain on his shirt is any indication. I look at the clock, surprised to see that it is already late in the morning.

            “Why didn’t you wake me?” I ask Tobias who has sat on the side of the bed.

            “Birthday girls get to sleep in,” Tobias smiles at me, pulling Drew out of my arms. “Tori is watching him until tomorrow afternoon. Say goodbye to mama for now,” Tobias says.

            My brows knit together. I told Tobias not to do anything for my birthday. If Tori is watching Drew, he obviously didn’t listen to me.

            “No complaining,” Tobias says sternly. He pushes Drew towards me once more and his chubby little arms wrap around me.

            “Bye mama!” he shouts in my ear, and then jumps back over to his father.

            Tobias leans over me, kisses my temple, and tells me he’ll be back in ten minutes.

            When I hear the front door slam shut I force myself out of the bed and get in the shower. I sigh at the relief the warm water brings as it washes away the nightmares I had last night.

            Marcus. Blood. _Everywhere_.

            After Marcus broke into our house and Tobias took care of him, we both couldn’t stop thinking about what he said. We ruined _everything_. But what is everything? Was he just talking about the faction system, or was there something more?

            We both made a few inquiries and did a bit of research, but Marcus didn’t have many friends. No one knew what he could have been talking about. I think Tobias still looks into it from time to time, but I try not to think about it too much. The war is over and Marcus is dead. No matter what he was talking about, he can’t hurt us anymore.

            I hear the front door open and close as I pull on a pair of light jeans and a dark green t-shirt. Tobias enters the room, his steps quick as he reaches me and pulls me in for a hug, lifting me off of my feet in the process. His lips meet mine in a passionate kiss.

            “Happy birthday,” Tobias mumbles against my lips in between kisses.

            “I told you not to – “ I try to protest, but I’m cut off by his kisses again. Not that I mind.

            “I have to go to work,” I get out between kisses.

            “No, you don’t. You do, however, have to eat breakfast before Christina gets here.”

            Tobias sets me back on my feet and walks me into the kitchen where a plate of eggs and fruit are sitting for me.

            “I have to get a few things done this morning, but I’ll rescue you from Christina in a few hours.”

            My afternoon with Christina is nice. We talk, mostly about her upcoming wedding to Will coming this weekend, but I don’t mind. It might be my birthday, but she knows I don’t want to talk about myself all day.

            We’re both looking forward to her wedding this weekend. All of our old “crew” – as Christina calls them – will be there. We see each other from time to time, but it is rare for all of us to be in the same place at the same time for so long.

            Christina and Will live a few houses down from Tobias and I, with their three-year-old daughter Penelope. They’ve done things a bit backwards on that front, but they just didn’t feel the need for a rush wedding when they found out Christina was pregnant. Penny was a welcome surprise for them. She’s unbelievably adorable, and has an obvious crush on Drew. I’m pretty sure Christina already has their wedding planned.

            Zeke is the head of the city’s security force. They’re headquartered in the old Dauntless compound. Some of the guards chose to live in the old Dauntless apartments, but most live throughout the city. Zeke lives in Eric’s old place and Uriah, his second in command, lives in Max’s.

            I thought having them live in those apartments would be weird. But the few times we’ve visited them there it was like night and day. The apartments are open and clean and inviting now. It’s nice.

            Zeke and Shauna are still together, but don’t seem to need the title of husband and wife. It just . . . works for them.

            Lynn and Marlene make the cutest couple out of all of use. For girls who used to make fun of Tobias and I kissing in public, they sure are sickeningly sweet with each other now.

            Maybe it was just the whole man thing that they thought was gross.

            Caleb and Susan married just a few months after the war. They’ve got their hands full with four kids, but couldn’t be happier about it.

I don’t know how they survive with four children. Tobias and I can’t even imagine having a second one. We love Drew, of course, but kids are a _lot_ of work.

As I stand on a chair in the middle of the living room while Christina makes some last minute adjustments to my dress for her wedding, I think about how lucky I am to still have all of these people in my life. Especially after all we’ve gone through to get to this point.

_Tobias stands next to me as the Amity doctor – sorry, former Amity doctor – fits a sling over my arm. They both ignore my bad attitude about the situation._

_“You’ll have to keep this on, save for when you’re showering, for the next four weeks. Your shoulder needs to rest.”_

_I let out a deep breath and suppress the urge to roll my eyes. My shoulder is fine._

_“Tris,” the doctor pushes._

_I look at the doctor, Alex I think was his name, and then Tobias. They both have the same look on their face. Both daring me to defy the instruction with their list of reasons why I need to do what they say._

_“Yes, I’ll keep the sling on,” I mumble._

_Later that night Tobias and I take our usual seats back in the Dauntless dining hall. We’re all still living in our pre-war housing assignments. We’re working on rearranging the city, desegregating the factions and letting people choose where they want to live. It’s going to be a long process though, so we’re all still staying in Dauntless for the time being._

_I awkwardly eat my food with my left hand, inwardly cursing the sling on my right arm the entire time. My fork slips out of my uncoordinated left hand, splattering mashed potatoes all over my shirt. I hear giggles from the group of people around me._

_I don’t know what it is about today, but my temper suddenly gets the best of me. I throw my fork down on the table and get out of the dining hall as fast as I can._

_Everything seems to be spiraling around me. My arm shouldn’t have taken this long to heal, and now I’m in a sling for the next month. The stress of being one of only fifteen leaders responsible for rebuilding the city has prevented me from sleeping more than a few hours at a time. Everything seems the same as it was before the war, but nothing will ever be the same. I know in the long run things are going to be better, but right now I just want something to feel_ normal _._

_I want my parents to give me a hug and tell me everything is going to be okay._

_I press my back against the wall around the corner and fall to the ground, my body suddenly too heavy to keep standing. Tears start to fall from my eyes before I can try to stop it._

_Something in my mind clicks and I’m back in Erudite, in that tiny little room being held against my will. So I do the only thing that I can._

_I scream._

_Arms grab me and voices shout at me, but my screams drown it all out. I thrash against the arms, knowing they’ll take me to another simulation of my loved ones dying._

_“Tris! It’s okay. You’re okay.”_

_My eyes snap open and I see Tobias kneeling before me, his own eyes wide and worried. My heart races and my breaths start to come in pants. Logic starts to slowly come back to me, and then the embarrassment comes._

_“I – I’m sorry,” I repeat over and over, looking around at the small group of onlookers I’ve attracted._

_“It’s okay. Let’s go,” Tobias lifts me onto my feet slowly and keeps a steady hand on my waist to keep me upright._

_I look back as we round the corner and see my group of friends shooing everyone off, yelling at the few that protest._

_Tobias takes me back to our apartment and holds me while I cry until I fall asleep._

I must have spent the afternoon lost in my memories because Christina now has me in a pair of too-tight leggings and a flowy top.

“Do you know what he has planned?” I ask her.

“Nope. Just that he’s ridiculously excited about it, so even if you hate it you have to pretend to enjoy yourself,” Christina tells me sternly.

Tobias walks through the front door, a smile already on his face.

“Are you ready?” he asks, holding his right hand behind his back suspiciously.

“Yes?” I answer, but it sounds more like a question.

“Do you trust me?” he asks as he walks over and reveals a black blindfold from behind him.

“If that’s the kind of birthday we’re going for Christina didn’t have to bother with the cute outfit,” I half-joke. A birthday spent with Tobias and a blindfold in bed would be quite the party.

“I think my shy little Abnegation protégé is all grown up,” Christina giggles at my dirty joke. “My work here is done. Enjoy yourselves!” she says as she skips out of the house.

“We’ll save the blindfold for later, too. But for now . . . “ Tobias approaches me and carefully ties it around my eyes; tight enough that I can’t see anything, but not too tight to make it uncomfortable.

Tobias leads me out of the house and into a car. I try to mentally map out where we’re going based off of where I feel the car go, but Tobias’ hand snaking up and down my leg distracts me and I lose track of where we are ten minutes in.

Eventually the car stops and Tobias helps me out. He playfully smacks my hand away when I try to remove the blindfold.

“Not yet,” is all he says as he continues to guide me . . . somewhere.

My body is oddly at ease wherever we are. It feels almost as if I’m home. After a few minutes of Tobias leading me around he stops and pulls the blindfold over my head.

“Surprise!”

“W-what?” I ask to no one in particular as my eyes take in the celebration that surrounds me. We’re in Zeke’s apartment and it’s filled with streamers, balloons, and all of my friends.

“Happy birthday,” Tobias whispers in my ear, gently nudging me further into the room.

“What is this?” I ask louder.

“Your surprise party! We can’t let the savior of the city turn 31 and not go all out,” Lynn jokes and I groan at the nickname. I’ll never be able to live down that ceremony.

_A year after the war ended, elections were held for four leaders of the city. I’m unsurprised that Tobias was given one of the spots. In the last year he has proven himself to be an outstanding leader, taking charge when needed and coming up with innovative and proactive solutions for our new city._

_I am surprised, however, when I am invited to be one of a small group of citizens who are being honored for their efforts in the war. It feels wrong to be honored for participating in a war that ended in countless lives lost._

_“You were captured, tortured, and_ killed _. You escaped and helped plan a mission that saved nearly every captured Abnegation member from Erudite’s rules. Then you helped overthrow Erudite and rebuild the government. What about that makes you think that you don’t deserve to be honored?” Tobias asks me, somewhat frustrated at my lackluster response to the news of the honor._

_Each of the new four leaders of the city took turns announcing the honorees and Aurora, a former Candor, announces me. She, unfortunately, is too liberal with her beliefs about what I have done and describes me as a “savior of the city.”_

_As Tobias drops a heavy medal around my neck I know I’ll never be able to live the nickname down._

The party is in full swing, people laughing and drinking too much. My friends lounging around the open space, everyone enjoying each other’s company.

“Are you having fun?” Tobias asks me as he pulls me away from a riveting conversation with Lynn and Marlene about the pros and cons of being with a man versus being with a woman.

“Yes. How did you do this?”

“It wasn’t hard. Everyone wanted to celebrate with you,” Tobias leans against the window, beer bottle in hand, and wraps his arm around my shoulders to bring me in close. “It’s been too long since we’ve relaxed like this. Drew is wonderful but damn the kid is a lot of work,” he finishes with a laugh.

“Once a month we’ll have a night just for ourselves then. We can have Christina and Will watch Drew, and offer to do the same for them when they need a night off.”

Tobias leans back and looks at me with a lazy, drunken smile. “Deal.”

            The night continues with excited mingling and even some more talk about Christina and Will’s wedding where we’ll all be together again. Eventually Zeke and I end up sitting next to each other watching a small group of our friends get into a heated argument over something that happened ten years ago.

            “You still enjoying your time at the tattoo parlor?” Zeke asks.

            “Yeah, I love it. When are you gonna come in again? When was the last time you got one?”

            “Before the war? Damn, has it really been that long? The last what . . . fifteen years seem like nothing,” his eyes gloss over and I know he is reliving moments from the war we all want to forget. “I know everyone kids, but you really did a lot during the war Tris. If you ever get tired of the tattoos, there’s always a spot for you here on the security force.”

            “Thanks, but I think my fighting days are over,” I tell him.

            My life is nothing like I could have ever imagined it would be back then. The city is night and day from what I grew up in. I like getting to interact with so many different people at the tattoo parlor, hearing their stories and getting to know the reason behind the permanent marking they want. I love my husband and the life we’ve built together. I love our tiny little son who makes me believe in a better world that I never thought could have existed.

            Hours later when the alcohol has finally run out we all go our separate ways, stumbling towards our homes. Tobias and I take the train, both of us enjoying watching the city speed by around us.

            Tobias sighs for the third time in the past five minutes and I know something is wrong.

            “What is it?” I ask him.

            Tobias sits down in the corner and motions for me to sit next to him.

            “I figured it out.”

            “Figured what out?”

            “What Marcus was talking about. Someone turned in an old laptop that they found in their house. They were remodeling and it was hidden in the wall. It was the house I grew up in. Marcus must have stashed it in there.

            “The security on it was surprisingly tight. I’ve been working on it for about a month. I got in today. Being divergent isn’t as common as we once thought it to be. There was an old Erudite file on it from the war. Erudite was keeping the Abnegation because they were looking for more divergent among them.

            “Tris . . . they tested everyone in Abnegation and Erudite and none of them were divergent. That’s why you were so special to Jeanine. It’s why Evelyn was so threatened by you. The record shows a couple of low-level divergents, probably people like me. But you . . . there’s never been anyone like you before.”

            “So, what does that mean?”

            “It means you’re even more of an anomaly than we thought. We should be even more thankful that you made it out of Erudite alive.”

            I lean my head on Tobias’ shoulder, reveling in the fresh air rushing at me through the open doors of the train.

            If this is true, we’re lucky the war is behind us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter done! I hope you guys like this – a nice little glimpse at everyone after Young Volcanoes. As with my other stories, I’ll hopefully be updating once a week.  
> Also, there have been a few questions about why I chose the name Drew. For one, I forgot about the other Drew in the Divergent series. I chose the name Drew because I named him after Tris’ dad, Andrew. Sorry if it was confusing for any of you!   
> What do you guys think? Any guesses about where we’re headed? Let me know! – DR13


	3. Chapter 2

_All the kids cried out, “Please stop, you’re scaring me.” I can’t help this awful energy. God damn right you should be scared of me. Who is in control? ~ Halsey, Control_

 

**_CHAPTER 2_ **

 

**TRIS’ POV:**

 

            Christina and Will’s wedding weekend passes by in a blur of friends and alcohol. Kids were left at a small daycare center in the city and everyone was free to do what they pleased for the day. Which, for many, was indulging in everything their kids repressed. Its fun, but only for a day. To me, my real life is much more enjoyable than watching Zeke and Uriah dance together on a table.

            Before we know it the weekend is over and we’re all back to reality. I make a vow to make sure Tobias and I see our friends more regularly though. It has been nice seeing them so much in the past few days.

            Later that week I lay in bed. Its late, or early depending on how you look at it, but I can’t get back to sleep. A pit in my has woken me up and prevented me from getting back to sleep. It’s a feeling like I should be worrying about something, but I can’t remember what it is.

            Slipping out from under Tobias’ arm I sneak into Drew’s room. I sit in the comfortable rocking chair we have in the corner and watch his peaceful slumber. Just keeping an eye on him eases the knot in my stomach slightly.

            In the distance I hear Tobias’ work phone ring, but I don’t think much of it, lost in my own thoughts. It’s when I hear his frantic, yet hushed shout of my name from down the hall that I stand to find him. We crash into each other in the doorway of Drew’s room.

            “What were you doing?” Tobias asks me.

            “I couldn’t sleep. I was just sitting with Drew. What’s wrong?”

            Tobias looks at me, his eyes dark and tired but his whole body tense and on edge. “Someone got through the fence. From the outside.”

            I stare at him like he’s lost his mind for . . . I don’t even know how long.

            “What? How can that be possible?” I ask eventually.

            “We don’t know who, or what, it was. The power grid just went crazy and the fence went down for three minutes. Greyson said they need more eyes to go through all of the security footage,” Tobias grabs my hand and pulls me with him to the closet while he gets dressed. “I don’t want you or Drew leaving this house until I get back, okay?”

            If Tobias had ordered me to stay home fifteen years ago I would have fought him tooth and nail, and done whatever I wanted anyway. But now . . . I look down the hall at the cracked door where our child is sleeping and nod my head.

            “Drew and I’ll have a day at home. I’ll call Tori later.”

            Tobias pulls a shirt over his head and pauses, looking at me for a few seconds. Thinking. Then he grabs my hand, closes the closet door behind us, and flicks the light switch, casting us in a bright yellow haze. He pushes his clothes to the side, and dips his finger in a small gap in the back wall. With a flick of his finger it falls to the ground and a cluster of weapons hang before us.

            My breath leaves me in a shaky huff.

            “When did you - ?”

            “I’ve had this here since the day we moved in,” he whispers, stuffing one of the guns in the back of his jeans. Then he hands me one.

            “Tobias I haven’t shot a gun in – “

            “You wont have to use it. Just in case. It’ll make me feel better.”

            I take the gun from Tobias’ outstretched hand and flinch at the heavy weight of the cool metal in my hand. Flashbacks of every other time I’ve had one of these in my hands run through my mind, but I work to keep them away. I have to focus.

            “Okay.”

            “Okay,” Tobias replies simply.

            Tobias finishes getting ready quickly, not bothering to do much more than change his clothes. He stops beside me at the front door before pulling me into him, his lips crushed into mine. Pressing. Desperate. Scared.

            “I’ll be back as soon as I can. Don’t leave this house. I love you,” he whispers, his forehead resting against mine for a short moment.

            “I love you, too.”

            Then he’s gone.

 

 

            My morning, then afternoon, passes by in a blur. I seem to work on autopilot as I care for Drew and take care of little odds and ends to keep my mind busy. Every possible option for what could have happen run through my mind. For the first time since I lost my position as a city leader, I wish I were one again. I wish I were in the room with Tobias, Johanna, Greyson, and Aurora as they go through the security footage and try to formulate a theory or come up with a course of action.

            But then I look at the little guy sitting next to me and hug him to me a little tighter.

            The door swings open in the early afternoon and Tobias rushes in, looking around frantically before his eyes land on Drew and I sitting on the couch. His eyes motion to our bedroom and I put Drew in his playpen and meet him there.

            Before I can say anything Tobias has a blurry photo in front of my face.

            “Can you recognize this person?”

            I squint my eyes and snatch the paper from him. I don’t know how anyone would be able to recognize the person in the photo. It could be Tobias and I wouldn’t be able to say for sure.

            “Seriously? Of course not.”

            Tobias grumbles under his breath and snatches the paper back from me, crumpling it up in his hand.

            “We don’t even know if that’s actually who got through. We just saw him on a camera near by around the same time when they were rebooting.”

            “The camera’s went out, too?”

            Tobias sits down on the edge of the bed and holds his head in his hands, his arms resting on his knees.

            “The whole fence went out, and all of the surrounding cameras. Whoever did this knew what they were doing. It was planned.”

            I can feel Tobias’ tension and anger bubbling over. His body is rigid and his hands are clenched in his lap. All clues that there is more to what he has to say to me.

            “I shouldn’t have looked into that laptop.”

            “You think that has something to do with this?” the laptop is not what I was expecting him to talk about now.

            “What else could it be? Its been what . . . fifteen years since the war? Marcus has been dead for two. This isn’t a coincidence, Tris.”

            I sit down next to Tobias and pull his hands into mine and squeeze.

            “We don’t know what this is. Not yet. Until we know what we’re up against we can’t go worrying about everything.”

            We sit in silence for a while. There is nothing calm or comforting about the quiet though. It is filled with worry and unanswered questions. Eventually Tobias pulls me into his lap, letting each of my legs fall on either side of his hips.

            “Zeke told me he offered you a job with him at your party,” Tobias says unexpectedly.

            “Oh, uh, yeah.”

            “Why didn’t you tell me?”

            “Because I don’t want to do it. I like things how they are now, or how they were a few hours ago.”

            Tobias mulls over my words, indecision written all over his face. “I think you should do it.”

            “What? Why?” my surprise is evident in my voice. I have no clue why Tobias would want me to work with Zeke. He’s always seemed to like the tattoo shop.

            “Not permanently. Maybe working isn’t the right word. I want you to train with them.”

            “Why – “ Tobias’ hand covers my mouth before I can finish my question.

            “Us training a few times a week is good, but I want you prepared. Just in case. I already talked to Zeke about it. He actually seems pretty excited about having you there.”

            I look at the comforting blue eyes of my husband, and can see how much he is struggling with what is happening. I can see how scared he is behind his somewhat calm demeanor.

            I haven’t seen him this tormented since . . .

            _Three months after the war and we’re still working on reorganizing the city. The old Erudite headquarters has been practically abandoned since the war. A few of the leaders, including Tobias and myself, have come to take a look at it to see if we can decide what to do with it._

_We all split up, walking around the building to see what kind of infrastructure we have to work with. My legs seem to work on autopilot and the next thing I know I’m back in the room._

_My room._

_The small cot is still in the corner, the walls still pristine and white. It makes me nauseous._

_I sit down in the center of the room and just . . . stop. Stop thinking, stop hurting, stop worrying about everything._

_I don’t know how much time passes, but I feel a warm hand rest on my shoulder and look to see Tobias standing next to me._

_“What are you doing?” he asks softly. I know he probably suspects what this room is, but he needs me to confirm it._

_“This is where I . . . stayed.”_

_Tobias’ eyes, his touch, his whole presence changes from comforting and confused to defeated. He tries to hide it, tries to be strong for me, but I can tell how much this hurts him, too._

_He doesn’t say anything. He just sits next to me._

            “Okay. I’ll do it.”

            Tobias exhales his bated breath and rests his head on my shoulder. He whispers his thanks over and over.

            I guess I’m going back to Dauntless.

            “Tori agreed to close the shop for a while. She’ll be able to watch Drew for most of the time you’re there. They converted a few of the apartments into a daycare center, he should be safe there for any time she can’t watch him.”

            “You must have been pretty sure I would agree if you already asked Tori.”

            “I just wanted to make sure everything would work out before I asked.”

            “I have one condition.”

            “You already agreed, you can’t go changing your mind now.”

            “You come with me, at least a few times. You’re probably pretty rusty, too,” I smirk, squeezing his bicep. My point would be better made if it weren’t so solid.

            “I’ll go, at least a few times. I promise,” he smirks at me.

            The moment I nod Tobias crashes his lips to mine in a passionate but too quick kiss.

            “Okay, let’s go.”

            “Wh – now?”

            “Yes. We can get Drew situated at the daycare. Get dressed,” Tobias stands, lifting me with him, and carries me over to the closet. He plops me down on my feet, gives me a quick peck on the lips, and goes to get Drew ready to leave.

            I’m in a pair of comfortable dark jeans, and a plain white t-shirt within a few minutes. Twenty minutes after that we’re approaching the Dauntless compound. Zeke saunters out to greet us.

            “You two just like causing trouble for everyone, don’t you?” Zeke jokes.

            “Oh yeah, its great to be everyone’s number one target all the time,” I snap back, but smirk so he knows I’m playing along with him.

            “It’s good to have you back here. Things are different . . . it’s a better environment to learn in than you had before. No assholes to throw knives at your head.”

            Tobias and I give him matching eye rolls when a woman comes up, her eyes only for Drew. It’s obvious she loves children by the way she gravitates towards him, and Drew is intrigued with her as well. She goes to reach for him, but I tighten my hold on him.

            “What’s your name?” I ask her.

            “Alison. I’ve worked here for ten years, taking care of the guards’ children whenever they’re working or their spouses can’t. I’ll take care of him, I promise.”

            I look from her to Zeke to Tobias. The latter two are smirking at my over protectiveness, but Alison looks at me with kind, understanding eyes. I decide I can trust her so I let her lead Drew off, watching as his clumsy feet try to keep up with her. He’s still trying to understand the whole walking thing.

            Zeke leads us around the compound. I understand what he was saying about the environment now. It’s the same compound I lived in for two years, but completely different at the same time. Everything is in the same place, but the people walking around aren’t intimidating or threatening. People are smiling and laughing, they’re working together for a greater good of the city. Not for the greater good of themselves.

            There is no competition, no fear of becoming Factionless if you fail initiation or if you become too old and fragile to serve the Dauntless mission anymore.

            It’s amazing.

            “I figured today you could just watch a training session. We’ll ease you into things. This is our newest group of trainees. They’re all around sixteen to eighteen, but I’m sure you guys will be able to keep up,” Zeke says as we approach one of the old training rooms.

            We enter and I see a row of about twenty teenage boys and girls sitting in a cluster of plastic chairs. They’re circled around their instructor, listening to him talk, but his back is to me so I don’t know if I know him or not. As I look at the new recruits I start to feel very old. I was sixteen when I went through initiation. That was sixteen years ago.

            Zeke enters the room, and Tobias moves to follow him, but I pull his hand back. “I can’t do this,” I whisper to him.

            “Why?”

            “I’m not sixteen anymore, Tobias. I could barely keep up then. Now? I – “

            “That’s why we’re doing this. We both need to get back in shape in case something happens. I give you a week before you’re taking all of them down,” he smirks at me and pulls me into the room.

            Zeke approaches the instructor, whispers something to him, and he turns around and smiles at Tobias and I. Hector! I guess this won’t be so bad after all.

            “You’re a lucky class. It looks like we’ll have a few special recruits working with us. Trainees, I’m sure you all know Tobias and Tris Eaton,” Hector says, motioning towards us.

            As Tobias and I approach, I watch the reactions of the trainees sitting before us. I’m surprised to see a mixture of awe among most of their faces. Odd.

            Even more odd is when one of the girls stands as we approach and starts to clap. The rest of them quickly join.

            My brows furrow and I look at Zeke in question.

            “Before physical training, all of the recruits go through a two week brief on the war. You guys are our greatest case study.”

            “What exactly do you tell them?” I question. This is the first I’m hearing of any case study. I don’t know how I feel about everyone knowing what I did during the war.

            “So what really happened at Amity when you guys –“ a boy with bright blond hair and dark eyes asks. He is interrupted when a girl with black hair and a sweet face smacks him on the back of the head.

            “You get to ask them a question and _that’s_ what you ask? Get to the good stuff. Like Erudite . . . did you really die?” she questions.

            “This isn’t an interview. She’s here to re-acclimate herself to the environment. I’m trying to convince her to come back to the dark side. Don’t scare her off with questions you already know the answers too,” Zeke scolds. It’s a serious side I rarely see of him, but I know he has if he’s the head of the security force.

            “But – “ the blond boy protests, but I cut him off this time.

            “One question a day. Choose wisely.”

            A few of them huddle together, trying to come up with a good question if they only get one today, and I start to regret letting them ask any.

            “Erudite. You were really _dead_ , dead?”

            “I’m not really sure,” I answer truthfully. “I assume I was, I think they had me hooked up to a monitor so they could know when . . . and I woke up in an empty room. They thought I was dead.”

            “And then it was me to the rescue,” Zeke boasts, throwing an arm over my shoulder.

            “ _Please_ , if I remember correctly I almost shot you,” I scoff.

            There’s a collective mummer of amazement among the group. I look at them and realize most of them would have been infants during the war, some not even born yet. I feel a rare sense of pride run through me at the thought that I had any hand in these kids growing up in a safe, functioning city where they could grow up to make their own choices.

            Hector claps his hands to get everyone’s attention. “Okay, now to the fun stuff. You two staying?” he asks Tobias and Zeke. They both nod.

            The afternoon is interesting. Tobias, Zeke and I all stay back and watch as Hector talks to the trainees. The day is mostly about knowing what is expected of them as future city security officers, and explaining to them the stages of their training. It is much the same as the training we did for the Dauntless initiates with a focus on weaponry and hand-to-hand combat.

            Tobias has to leave about twenty minutes into the session. He’s called back to the City Council building, and I try not to think too much about what it could be.

            Zeke keeps me company as Hector shows the trainees around the compound. We walk with them, but keep to the back of the group. A door catches my eye, and I branch off from everyone as we pass by some of the apartments a few of the trainees are staying in.

            I wander down the hall, remembering the few times I walked this very space years ago. I pause when I come to the door, my hand freezing on the handle.

            Taking a deep breath, I open the door and stare at the large room with a chair in the center.

            The old fear landscape room.

            It is obvious the place has been vacant for too long, dust and debris cover the area. I approach the chair and touch it with just the tips of my fingers, but quickly pull my hand back. There are too many bad memories in chairs like this; I don’t have time to open that emotional door.

            I make my way home with Drew a little while later. We didn’t do much in the way of training, for me at least, but I do feel a little more prepared to go back tomorrow. Just getting used to being back in the old compound was enough of a mental challenge for me today.

            Drew and I run into Tobias as we’re walking down the street, a few blocks away from home. Tobias swings Drew up on his shoulders to carry him the rest of the way.

            That night, once Drew is fast asleep, and Tobias and I are lying in bed in the dark, I ask him about what has been on my mind since I entered the fear landscape room this afternoon.

            “Did the city get rid of all of the serums? The simulations . . . the fear landscapes?”

            Tobias thinks for a moment. “Yes. All of the factions agreed to get rid of any specialty serums they had, and we trashed everything at Erudite. Why?”


	4. Chapter 3

_Break me down and build me up, whatever it takes. ‘Cause I love the adrenaline in my veins, I do whatever it takes. ‘Cause I love how it feels when I break the chains. ~ Imagine Dragons, Whatever it Takes_

 

**CHAPTER 3**

 

The early morning mist is still settled over the city as I walk through the old Abnegation sector. As per my plan, Tobias and Drew were both fast asleep when I left the house this morning before the sun had come up.

There is a knot of guilt in my stomach for leaving before Tobias was awake. I know he’ll have a moment of panic before he finds my note, but I also know he’s going to fight me on this. I have to find out if this is even a possibility before we get into a fight about it.

The city is quiet as I continue on my walk. I like the silence; I like the cloudy sky and the slight mist leaving tiny droplets over my face.

The sun is starting to rise as I approach Caleb’s home. I hope he’s already awake and I don’t disturb Susan or the kids. I would have this conversation with him at a better time, but I don’t have any other time and I need this to be just between us for now.

I stand outside the front door for a few minutes, listening to see if I hear any movement inside. I think I hear a slight rustling, so I take a chance and knock as softly and quietly as I can. I don’t have to wait long for Caleb to open the door.

His face is tired, his hair a mess, and he’s got a blue robe covering his pajamas. I smile at his rumpled appearance, enjoying the company of my brother. He and Susan were busy with the kids and weren’t able to make the party Tobias threw for me, but I think they were mostly just wary of being with a bunch of former rowdy Dauntless. They both prefer quiet nights at home.

“Beatrice? What are you doing here – is everything okay?”

“Can we talk?” I ask him, ignoring his questions.

“Of course, come in.”

Caleb leads me into his home and motions for me to sit at the table in the kitchen. He makes quick work in the kitchen and is sitting next to me at the table, placing two cups of tea in front of each of us, within a few minutes.

“I have a couple of things to ask you, but I need to know you’ll keep it between us.”

Caleb looks at me for a few moments, studying my face and trying to decode whatever secrets I have. “Okay.”

“When you were Erudite,“ he flinches at the mention of his old faction, but I continue, “did you ever make any serums or simulations?”

Caleb’s eyes go wide, shame suddenly evident on every feature of his face. I don’t have to wait for his verbal reply for my answer.

            “Yes.”

            I take a deep breath and wrap my hands around the warm mug of hot tea, bracing myself for my next question.

            “Do you think you could make some more?”

            “What?” Caleb nearly shouts, but thankfully it doesn’t seem to wake up anyone else in the house.

            “Just one dose of each. For me, not to use on anyone else.”

            “Beatrice, why would you want that?”

            “I can’t tell you any specifics . . . but I want to go through my fear landscape again, and I need you to create the strongest simulation you can. Something you would think someone . . . like me wouldn’t be able to get out of,” it’s odd, I’ve never been afraid to call myself Divergent, but now I don’t even want to speak the term.

            “Does Tobias know you’re asking me this?”

            I involuntarily flinch at the mention of my husband. Unfortunately, Caleb doesn’t miss it.

            “If this is something you need done, I would need approval from the city leaders. We got rid of that stuff for a reason, Beatrice.”

            “But you could do it?”

            “Yes, I could do it.”

            I don’t know whether I should feel relieved or worried. This was my plan; I want to test my divergence. But I’m also nervous to be put through these tests again.

            “I’ll tell Tobias tonight. How long do you think it will take you?”

            “A few days, maybe a week. I won’t start until Tobias gives me an okay.”

            I nod, understanding. “Thank you, Caleb.”

            I spend a while longer with my brother, catching up on how the kids are doing. It must have been longer than I realized since we last talked, because Caleb informs me that his oldest daughter, Alice, has decided she wants to join the security force. She’s almost fifteen, so she still has a year left of schooling before she starts to decide what she wants to do, but I offer to give her a tour of the security compound sometime.

            I leave before anyone else wakes up. I don’t want any questions asked about my early morning visit. I feel the knot of guilt return as I pass by the street I would take to get home, and instead continue walking toward the Dauntless compound.

            I didn’t really lie in my note to Tobias. I will get to the compound early for some extra training, just not as early as I would have if I didn’t make a detour to talk to Caleb. A good workout will hopefully help relieve the stress.

            The compound has an early morning calmness to it when I enter. There are a few people milling around, and I get polite nods from a few that I recognize. I make my way to the training room and stare at the space before me, memories flooding through my mind of the countless other times I have been in here.

_Tobias and I sit on the mat in the middle of the training room. My knees rest on the mat on either side of his hips, and his lips trail back and forth along my collarbone._

_In one week we will begin training the incoming transfer initiates. We’ve both been given reduced work hours in order to prepare our plans for them. We decided to sit in the training room for some inspiration. We haven’t gotten much done yet._

_“When did you start training initiates?” I whisper, feeling guilty that we’ve used our time for kisses as opposed to preparation._

_“The year after I passed initiation.”_

_“Do you not just do the same thing every year?”_

_“It varies. It’s the same basics, but it takes some time to make sure everything is organized. We should be doing inventory of the guns in the storage closet and putting up the punching bags right now. But I have to say, preparation this year is much more enjoyable than it has been in the past.”_

            I look at the clock on the far wall and see I still have nearly two hours before Hector told me to be here. Nothing in the room is set up, so I go to the storage closet and grab a punching bag to hang up.

            The next hour and a half is spent bloodying my knuckles against the rough leather of the bag. The sweat dripping down my face and the tightness in my muscles is uncomfortable but oddly comforting at the same time.

            I sit down in the corner and wrap my knuckles, something I should have done before my training, but it just slipped my mind. My breath comes out in pants and my lungs burn, but I revel in it. This is why I’m here.

            I allow myself to catch my breath for a few moments before I head to the storage room again and start to set up the targets and bring out the rack of guns. Today is target practice.

            I am just about done setting up when Hector bursts into the room, his hair disheveled and his shirt on inside out.

            “Wha –“ he looks around at the perfectly set up room, confusion covering his features.

            “I got here early,” I shrug, hoping I haven’t overstepped. I’m not the instructor here. “I hope its okay I set things up.”

            “Okay? You saved my ass, feel free to get here early anytime,” Hector smiles, relief flowing off him in waves. He engulfs me in a hug so big it lifts my feet off the ground. By the time they are safely on the floor again the door swings open and the group of trainees enter, an excited hum among them as they see the guns stacked before them.

            The trainees begin to line up before Hector and I, so I move to join them. Hector stops me with a firm hand on my shoulder.

            “So, do we get another question?” the light haired boy from yesterday asks.

            “Oh, uh, sure.”

            “How do keep calm in situations like what happened at Amity? Eaton was surrounded; you had nowhere else to go. You just walked into this . . . unbelievably scary situation like it was nothing.”

            “Well, if you ask my husband, he would tell you its because I’m an idiot. I don’t tend to think too much in those situations, which isn’t really a good thing. I saw him in there surrounded by . . . I didn’t think. I reacted.”

            Everyone nods, taking in my words slowly. I suppose I could have some advice for young officers, but I don’t know if I really want to relive those memories too often.

            “Time for some target practice. If everyone can manage to hit the center of the target with a whole round before lunch, we’ll move to the concourse this afternoon,” Hector announces, with a little too much glee.

            “Concourse?” I mutter to myself. There was never a training course when I was here.

            “Oh, you’ll love it,” Hector grins.

            All of the trainees carefully approach the weapons before them, feeling the weight of the metal in their hands for the first time. I pick up my own weapon, quickly checking to make sure it’s loaded.

            Hector talks to everyone as they approach the targets, and instructs them on the proper stance and hold on the weapons. I head to the last target in the row, but I freeze when I take aim.

            My memories threaten to overwhelm me, all of the times I aimed my gun at someone run through my mind . . . all of the times someone else aimed their weapon at me. The trainees start to shoot and the constant bang of the bullets leaving the chamber make my head explode. My breath starts to come too fast and my eyes start to blur.

            This is too much.

            The gun falls from my hand as I begin to back away from the sound of the guns. Too much, too much, too much.

            I am at the door, swinging it open before anyone can stop me. Right outside the door, however, I run into someone. Their arms grab me, and the shout words at me that my brain is too full to understand.

            “Tris! Tris, it’s okay,” Zeke shouts at me.

            Zeke pulls me into a door off the hall. My breathing escalates and my entire body begins to shake.

            “I can’t – I can’t do this again,” I manage to spit out.

            “Yes, you can. You have to,” Zeke says simply.

            I look at him, confused by his statement. “You’re the bravest person I know, Tris. Before you where pushed into the war, you had no other option but to do those things. This time we can prepare more. We can prepare so we can try to avoid all of the horrible parts, and just stop whoever is trying to threaten the city again. If you really don’t want to do this, I’m sure Tobias will understand, but don’t quit because you don’t think you can do it. Because despite all of the fucked up memories you have I know, when push comes to shove, you could do it all again to save the ones you love.”

            My mind wanders to Tobias, seeing him playing with Drew in the park, waking up next to him every morning, and seeing his face light up when he held his son for the first time.

_You could do it all again to save the ones you love._

            I take a deep breath, and nod at Zeke before storming out of the room.

            The training room is still full of the trainees; many of them look toward me as I enter again abruptly. I ignore them and pick up my discarded gun and quickly empty the bullets into the target across from me. The relief is instant once the last bullet leaves the gun.

_I can do this._

 

 

            I walk with the two trainees that seem fascinated with me to the dining hall in the afternoon. I now know the boy with the light hair and dark eyes is named Blake, and the girl with the dark hair and sweet face is named Marie.

            As we enter the dining hall I can feel multiple pairs of eyes on me, but I do my best to ignore them. I’ve gotten plenty of stares in the years following the war. People between factions started talking, and stories started spreading about how we got to where we were. While some of the stories were true, some were completely fabricated.

            Blake, Marie, and I sit at the end of a table, somewhat secluded from the other groups around us. I sit with my back to the corner of the room, keeping an eye on everyone around me.

            “So Tris, er, Mrs. Eaton – “ Blake flusters over his words.

            “You can call me Tris,” I laugh. Whenever anyone says Mrs. Eaton I think of Evelyn. The thought of her makes my laughter die quickly.

            Blake smiles and continues. “What’s it like being back here?”

            “Odd. I haven’t had to do any of this stuff in a long time, but it’s kind of . . . comforting to be doing it again if that makes any sense,” I shrug.

            “I heard we had our famous Stiff back, but I had to come see for myself,” Peter appears before us, and sits directly across from me. The sight of him makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

            “I hear you’re causing all kinds of trouble again, Tris. Can’t say I’m surprised.”

            “Leave, Peter.”

            “I don’t think I will. You’re not anything here anymore, Tris. I don’t know why you would leave that precious baby of yours alone to come – “

            Before Peter can finish his sentence my fist connects with his nose. Then I grab the hair on the back of his head roughly and slam his head into the metal table. I stand and lean over him, my head next to his ear.

            “If you ever come near me or my family again I will kill you. You deserved to be executed for your crimes in the war. You won’t get another chance at redemption.”

            When I let go of him he slumps to the ground. I can’t find it in me to care, though. It is when I look up and see that every single pair of eyes in the room are staring at me that I start to regret my actions.

            Outbursts like this were normal in Dauntless and no one thought twice about them. I never spent much time in this compound after the factions were dissolved, but being back here has me feeling like I’m back here fifteen years ago. I feel as though the past fifteen years haven’t happened and the room is filled with my fellow Dauntless members and not people who have grown up without that mindset.

            My eyes catch the familiar deep blue of my husbands at the entrance of the dining hall, but they are not full of comfort or humor.

            “Fuck,” I curse under my breath.

            “Please come with us, ma’am,” an on-duty officer grabs my arm and I willingly follow his direction. He takes me to where Tobias is standing with Zeke.

            “Man, don’t you miss the days when you could just beat the shit out of someone in the hall because they pissed you off?” Zeke reminisces, smiling at me as the officer leaves me with them.

            “Sorry about that,” I mumble, uncomfortable with the intense glare I am receiving from Tobias. I hope he hasn’t talked to Caleb.

            “We need to talk,” he says, grabbing my arm, not hand, and leading me away from a laughing Zeke. At least I know he isn’t mad at me for my outburst.

            Tobias leads me to the silent training room and slams the door closed behind us. I stand before him, arms crossed over my chest, and wait for his inquisition.

            “Where did you go this morning?”

            “Did you see my note? I got here early to – “

            “Where did you go this morning, Tris?”

            My knot of guilt has returned in full force, but this is not a conversation I want to have here. I know the trainees will be back here soon and it will take more than a few minutes to explain my reasoning to Tobias.

            “Can we talk about this tonight?”

            Tobias lets out an exasperated grunt and angrily runs his hands through his hair, pacing the room. “Don’t start this again, Tris. Don’t do any of that self-sacrificing crap.”

            “I’m not. You think I would willingly leave you and Drew?” I ask, my anger taking over.

            “ _Where did you go_?” Tobias shouts at the same time the door opens and Hector sticks his head in. I can hear the mumble of the trainees behind him.

            “Um, should we give you guys a minute?”

            “Yes.”

            “No.” Tobias and I answer at the same time.

            “We’ll talk about it when I get home, Tobias,” I say firmly. He knows better than to push the subject now that we’re not alone.

            I can’t handle the look of hurt and disappointment he gives me as he leaves, but I also can’t look away from it.

            Tobias pushes his way out of the room, shoving a few of the trainees a little too roughly out of his way. He is every bit the Dauntless instructor he used to be in that moment.

            “Man, that guy is scary,” I hear someone mumble.

            I sigh and run my fingers through my too-long hair, a trait I just realize that I have picked up from Tobias.

“I need to shoot something.”

 

 

I get home purposely late. After out blowout in the training room I have no idea how Tobias is going to react to my idea. I try my best to be calm as I enter our home, but I know my temper will get the best of me if he starts yelling again.

I can hear Tobias in the shower, so I stop by Drew’s room to see him for a few minutes. I haven’t seen him all day, and it hurts to think that, for the time being, I wont be able to see him much with my training. I can’t afford to not be prepared, though. This is as much for his safety as it is mine.

I can’t avoid Tobias any longer so I head into our room. The shower is still running so I head into the bathroom. I disrobe quickly and join Tobias in the shower.

His back is to me and his hands are pressed into the tile while his head is hung under the water. I wrap my arms around his waist, but he flinches at the contact.

“I went to talk to Caleb. I want to go through my fear landscape, and I want him to come up with the strongest simulation he can. What if – what if my divergence has weakened? What if it’s stronger? If these people are here because of me, or any other divergent, I want to know everything I can about being Divergent.”

I can hear Tobias swallow thickly, taking in my explanation. I can almost hear the wheels turning in his head.

“You want to put yourself through that again? The simulations . . . the fear landscapes . . . its everything we fought to get rid of, Tris.”

“I have to know. If being Divergent is so rare, what is it about it that makes people want me? Maybe we can figure it out.”

“So you’re offering yourself up as a test subject?” Tobias turns around to face me, his eyes narrowed on mine.

“No, I just – “ Tobias’ lips collide with mine harshly before I can finish.

His hands begin to roam my entire body, caressing and squeezing, sometimes harsher than usual. I don’t mind, though. My back slams against the cold tile and his hands grip my thighs firmly, hoisting them up around his naked hips.

“Tobias, we – “

“No. I just need – “ he shakes whatever thought intruded his mind and his lips crash against mine again.

We don’t talk for the rest of the shower.

As _pleasurable_ as our shower was, none of our issues have been solved. I sit on the corner of our bed, my hair dripping down my shoulders in one of Tobias’ baggy sweatshirts, watching him get ready for bed.

His body may be relaxed from our shower, but I can tell his mind is nowhere near as calm. It makes my stomach hurt to know that I’m the cause of his worry.

            “I understand where you’re coming from,” I say quietly. Tobias makes no move to acknowledge my words though. “I don’t want to do this. The thought of going through another simulation or my fear landscape . . . it makes me nauseous. But do you get where I’m coming from? If whoever has gotten through the fence is after the divergent, shouldn’t we know why they want them? Why did Jeanine care so much? This has to be bigger than keeping the faction system in place if it is still happening.

            “If Jeanine tested everyone before . . . if I’m still the strongest divergent in the city we have to see what that really means.”

            Tobias continues to ignore me. He grabs his pillow off of the bed, and takes a blanket out of the closet. He doesn’t go out to sleep on the comfortable couch in the living room, or even retreat to Drew’s room. He simply sits on the floor, on the side of the bed closest to where I usually sleep, and makes a spot for himself there.

            Because even when he’s so mad at me he doesn’t want to sleep next to me, he would never leave me alone at night. Not when all of the demons we’ve faced tend to come attack me in my sleep.


	5. Chapter 4

_Hit me like a man, love me like a woman. Bury me alive, I can see it in your eyes, you want it. Some will give you pain, some will give you pleasure. Hit me like a man, love me like a woman. ~ The Pretty Reckless, Hit Me Like A Man_

 

**CHAPTER 4**

            I never fall asleep. I’m always right on the edge of slumber, but then I reach over for Tobias’ comforting warmth and remember he isn’t there. Then my mind spirals to our fight and I have to start the process all over again.

            I peak over the edge of the bed and see dark blue pools staring up at me. I guess Tobias can’t sleep, either.

            “I get it. I know it’s a good idea. I just don’t like the idea of you going through all of that again. It’s everything we fought to be free of. It goes against every instinct I have to let you do this,” Tobias whispers to me.

            I carefully let my body slide out of bed and rest the length of my body along Tobias’. His arms instantly wrap around my waist and crush me to him.

            “Thank you,” I whisper, burrowing my head into his neck. I take in a deep breath and revel in the comforting scent of his fresh soap and all things Tobias.

            Tobias chuckles humorlessly. “For what?”

            I rest my head on his sternum and look up at him. “For always protecting me. No matter what.”

            I slide off of Tobias and sneak my way under his blanket. I steal half of his pillow and can’t help the contented sigh that escapes me when his arms wrap around me.

            “Goodnight, Tobias,” I mumble, seconds before my eyes close and I finally drift off to sleep.

            It doesn’t last long, though.

            Tobias and I jerk awake at the sound of a crash from somewhere in the house. The living room, I think. Tobias springs to action, grabbing two guns from under the bed and handing one to me.

            “Go to Drew’s room, lock the door and don’t let anyone in but me.”

            We both leave our room quietly; Tobias pushes me into Drew’s bedroom and continues through the house. I immediately lock the door behind me, and look at Drew.

            All of the commotion as woken Drew up, so I quickly grab him and hold his as close to me as I can, hoping to quiet his cries. Usually, I think the steady beat of my heart helps calm him, but tonight my heart is racing. I think it spurs on his crying.

            I haven’t heard any noises coming from throughout the house, and I don’t know if that should comfort or worry me. The weight of Drew in my arms keeps me from going out there to see what is going on, but my entire being itches to be more useful than this.

            It is only a few minutes later that there is a soft knock at the door, followed by Tobias whispering my name.

            I have the door open as quickly as humanly possible and rake my eyes over Tobias’ body, looking for any injuries. Thankfully he seems okay.

            “What happened?” I ask, my voice still hushed.

            “Someone broke in. It doesn’t look like they stole anything, but they knocked over a lamp. It must have scared them off. I walked around outside, there’s no sign of them anywhere.”

            “They were _here_?”

            “Yes,” Tobias grunts out. “We can’t stay here.”

            “Where are we going to go?”

            Tobias thinks for a moment before responding, “We’ll go to Dauntless.”

            “Tobias, we can’t just – “

            “Tris, they were here. They could have come in and shot us in our sleep. They could have kidnapped Drew. They could have done anything.”

            I squeeze Drew closer to me at Tobias’ harsh words. Images of countless other outcomes rush through my mind, each one worse that the other.

            “I’ll start packing.”

 

 

            Within the hour Tobias and I are outside of the Dauntless compound. Drew has been crying nonstop since he woke up. Tobias and I have tried to calm him down, but nothing is working. I don’t blame him; this has not been a good night. For any of us.

            Zeke greets us as we enter the compound.

            “You guys doing okay?” he asks, concern etched in every look he gives us.

            “We’re alive,” Tobias grumbles.

            “C’mon, we’ve got a place set up for you. An old leader’s apartment, so it’ll be big enough for all of you.”

            Thirty minutes later Drew is fidgeting in his new crib, but the crying has finally stopped. I give him ten minutes before he’s out.

            Tobias stands at the window, his arms gripping the windowsill and his eyes roaming around the city.

            I’m exhausted, practically dead on my feet, but instead of trying to sleep I put away the few pairs of clothes we brought for ourselves. I need to keep my mind busy on mundane tasks so I don’t start thinking about why someone broke into our home.

            Were they to here to kill me?

            Did they want to kill Tobias?

            Was their plan to kidnap Drew?

Hold him over our heads so we would do whatever they wanted?

            My heart starts to race and I chuck whatever article of clothing I had in my hand across the room. The jeans make a pathetic swish as they land on the ground.

            Tobias looks over his shoulder at me, his eyes dark and sad and haunted.

            “You have to do it.”

            I nod, immediately understanding what it is I have to do.

            Simulations.

            Fear landscapes.

            “I’m sorry I can’t protect you from this,” Tobias tells me, his voice cracks and his arms strain against the window. Everything about tonight is tearing him apart inside. I don’t know how to put him back together though, because I’m just as torn.

            I walk to him and our arms immediately engulf each other, both of our bodies shaking with emotion.

            Fear.

            Worry.

            Sadness.

            It’s all there. Every emotion we went through fifteen years ago when we were in a similar position. It was almost easier to deal with before. We didn’t know how bad things could get, and we had our enemy clearly in our sights. We knew what we were up against.

            This time, everything is unknown. But I’ll do everything I can to protect the life Tobias and I have created for ourselves out of the ashes of the city that we grew up in.

 

 

            I sleep for two hours before I’m awake again. Tobias is still asleep next to me, but I can tell it isn’t a peaceful sleep. I walk over and check on Drew, unsurprised to see him completely out of it. He had a hectic night last night, so I know he’ll be sleeping for several more hours today.

            I don’t bother taking a shower, not wanting to wake up either of my boys. I change into black jeans and a black v-neck t-shirt. I put my hair up to keep it out of my face. I leave a note to Tobias, telling him I’m in the training room, and making sure he remembers to go talk to Caleb about the serums today.

            I try to shake the thoughts of serums and landscapes out of my mind as I enter the training room. I need to focus.

            The other trainees won’t be here for about three hours, so I take my time looking around the room. I need to formulate my own training schedule. Maybe I should see if there are other training rooms I could use on my own. I sit in the middle of the room, and look at the various stations around me.

            I’ve liked working with Hector and the new trainees, but I also know they’re going to be spending time on skills I’ve already mastered. I know how to shoot a gun. I know how to throw a knife. Those aren’t really skills you ever forget. I need to build my muscle back up. I need to re-train my muscles to remember what to do when someone is running after me.

            I return to the punching bag I hung yesterday and lose myself in it for a little while.             I can feel the scratches from yesterday break open within my wrappings, but I don’t care. I don’t have time to worry about little things like that anymore.

            The door swings open and breaks me out of my trance, I wipe the sweat off of my forehead as Hector comes in. I can see it in the way he looks at me, in his sad, pitiful eyes that he’s heard what happened last night. He doesn’t waste my time by talking to me about it though; he just motions for me to continue, so I do.

            Ten minutes later the trainees come in, but no one dares to talk to me. They start their target practice, and I stay focused on my own training.

            Thirty minutes later Tobias enters, followed by the other two city leaders and Caleb. I freeze.

            I put my hands on my hips and try to catch my breath for a minute.

            “What are all of them doing here?” I hear Blake whisper. I suppose it is a bit suspicious that all of the city leaders in the security compound.

            “Mrs. Eaton, if you’ll come with us for a moment,” Aurora says, motioning toward the open door.

            Tobias looks at me, his deep blue eyes dark and sad. I unwrap my hands as I walk over, dropping the bloody wrappings on the ground as I approach them. Tobias gently grabs one of my hands and leads me out the door.

            We go to a small conference room that is exiled away from any prying eyes and ears. We all sit around the rectangular table. Tobias sits on the opposite side of the table from me, accompanied by his fellow leaders and Caleb. Almost like it is everyone against me.

            “Tris, Tobias has told us of your desire to test your divergence. Given the circumstances, we have agreed that it is a wise decision. Because of the rules and guidelines that were drawn up following the war, we are going to need your written consent for you to undergo these simulations again. We just have a few formalities to go over before we can allow this,” Grey says.

            I nod. My heart rate is still accelerated from my training, and my body is too exhausted from the events of the last twelve hours for me to get too stressed about this situation.

            “Beatrice Eaton, do you give your consent for us to put you under a simulation of Caleb Prior’s making?”

            I look over at my brother. I can tell he wishes he didn’t have to do this either. “Yes,” I say. Grey pushes a paper at me, a pen placed on top of it. I don’t bother reading it. Tobias wouldn’t have me here if there were anything on these papers that I shouldn’t agree too. My pen does pause over the paper for a few moments though.

My eyes close and my mind is filled with all of the new situations that could be put in my simulation. I know Caleb had a hand in formulating the simulations I was put through at Erudite, and I forgave him for that a long time ago. But when I think of all of the new ammunition he’ll have when creating this new one, I want to throw up. I want to run from the room, screaming, and never look back.

Instead, I obediently sign the paper.

“Beatrice Eaton, do you give your consent to undergo your fear landscape?”

“Yes,” I sigh, quickly signing this paper before I can think too much about it.

Grey nods, organizing all of his paperwork. “Caleb Prior will be working with the help of two assistants to create one dosage of a high-functioning simulation as well as the necessary serum needed to put you through your fear landscape. He has estimated that it will take him approximately one week for the fear landscape serum, and another additional week for the simulation. Until then you will continue your training here. Any questions?”

I sigh, uncomfortable that now the leaders are involved in this decision. I know it is necessary, we needed permission for Caleb to create these serums, but I still don’t like it. I don’t like Grey sounding like he has control over me.

I guess I still have some authoritarian issues.

“Do you know anything else about who got past the fence?” I ask. I realize I haven’t really had time to ask Tobias about it.

“You don’t have clearance for that kind of information,” Grey tells me.

I can’t believe it.

“I don’t have clearance? I can torture myself to help you guys, but I don’t have the clearance to know what is going on?” I try my hardest not to yell, but I don’t know how long I’ll be able to last.

I see Tobias give Grey a frustrated glance. I wonder if he’s already tried to fight this battle for me.

“You’re doing the simulations on your own terms, Mrs. Eaton. You have no official ranking among the government. We’re not – “

“On my own terms? You think any of this is on my own terms?” I yell, but I can’t stand to be in this room any longer. I’m halfway out the door when I turn around. “And no official ranking? I fucking _created_ this new government.”

I don’t stick around to hear the fallout from my outburst. I return immediately to the training room, ignoring the curious glances from the other trainees who are still working on their target practice.

I seclude myself in the corner with my punching bag and take out my frustrations on the leather. Sometime later I feel two hands surrounding my stomach, one on my front and one on my back.

“Use your core,” a smooth voice whispers to me. His lips are right next to my ear; they have to be in order for me to be able to hear him over the training going on in the room.

Despite his instruction, I stop all together.

“I deserve to know,” I tell my husband.

“You will. As soon as I know something, I’ll tell you. Aurora and I both believe you should be included. Grey just likes going on power trips.”

“This isn’t the time for him to be getting cocky,” I mumble.

“No, it isn’t. But that’s why we have three leaders. If one is making questionable decisions, there are two others to hopefully even out the score.”

“How was Drew this morning?” I ask, hoping to take my mind off of . . . everything for just a few minutes.

“Exhausted. He’s in the daycare here. I figured since we’ll be here for the time being it’ll be easier for him to stay there rather than taking him to Tori.”

I nod and rest my head on Tobias’ shoulder. I don’t hug him, not wanting to get him dirty with the sweat dripping down my body. He doesn’t seem to care though, as he pulls me to him in a tight embrace.

The door slams shut, breaking us apart. I guess all of the trainees have gone to lunch. Just the thought of food makes me nauseous.

“Are you hungry?” Tobias asks. My answering grimace is enough for him.

“Come here,” he says, and leads me over to the ring where we used to have the initiates fight. I have many unpleasant memories of this spot.

“Remember, use your core. And go for any weak spot you can. You’re small, anyone you fight is probably going to have a hundred pounds on you. Get them down any way you can,” Tobias instructs as we stop in the center of the ring.

He starts to unbutton his white button down shirt, and I look at him with wide eyes. “What are you doing?”

“Helping you train. I told you I’d be here when I could.”

“But we’ve never . . .” it has always been an unspoken rule that Tobias and I never _fight_ each other. We’ve gotten into more verbal fights than I could count, but we’ve never gotten in a ring together. It unnerves me that Tobias would decide to try it now. I wonder if there is more he knows about who is here, if maybe I should be more scared than I already am.

I stare at him, shirtless and staring right back at me, for much longer than I should. His broad shoulders call to me, but not in the way that will help me at all now. I can see part of his tattoo peaking around his neck, and it makes me wish we were at home alone, in our room, with the rest of the world shut out.

We stare at each other for far too long, and eventually the trainees and Hector return. They pay us more attention than we pay them, though.

When I’ve finally finished my internal battle against myself, I nod ever so slightly at Tobias, and the games begin.

The next hour is spent dodging hits and swinging arms. I don’t know if either of us can say we ‘won’ but we both definitely woke up parts of ourselves that have been dormant since the war. It took us a while to actually start swinging at each other. It goes against everything within us to do this, but I have to admit that it was a good idea. Mentally, it helped me get back into the mindset I need to be in until the threat is gone.

When we stop, we realize there is a small crowd around us, including Hector and Zeke.

“When will we get to do that?” Blake asks, his excitement seeping throughout his body.

“You haven’t even hit the target once Blake. Don’t get distracted,” Marie scoffs.

Zeke motions for Tobias and I to follow him, so we do. We leave Hector to reign in the trainees and meet in a cluster out in the hall.

“What –“ I start to ask, but Tobias shushes me.

“Chasm. Ten minutes,” Tobias tells Zeke, who happily goes on his way without a response.

“What – “

I’m shushed again.

Tobias simply grabs my hand and walks me around the compound for a few minutes. We pass the Chasm multiple times, and each one I think we’re going to it but Tobias veers off. Eventually the fourth time past we enter. I’m met with the laughter of our group of most trusted friends: Zeke, Uriah, Christina, Will, Lynn, and Marlene.

“ _What_ is going on?” I ask, finally able to finish my question.

“What I’m about to say does not leave this group, understood?” Tobias demands. Everyone nods without hesitation.

“I think a group from the outside has infiltrated the city, and I think people here are working with them. I don’t know what their goal is. They could want to restore the faction system, or create a whole new government with them in charge. Whatever it is, I know it wont be a peaceful as what we have now.”

My eyes widen and my mouth drops open. _Where did all of this come from?_ I know I neglected to ask Tobias what he has discovered about the situation the last couple days. I was focused on my plan to test my divergence, but this? This is big. This is bad.

“I’ve been digging into the city system. Looking for key words within what people think are their ‘confidential’ correspondences. There have been a few that are . . . unnerving.

“I’m telling you all because I need you to keep your eyes and ears open. If you hear anything you think could be suspicious, remember who said it and tell us. As of right now, we are the only people in the city who know about this. I haven’t told Aurora or Grey. I don’t trust them.”

“You don’t trust them?” I’m surprised. Tobias has always talked fondly of his fellow leaders.

“Not like I trust all of you.”

“So what are we supposed to do?” Uriah asks.

“Right now we keep our heads down, but stay alert. Do not talk about this out in the open, or even in your homes. Keep it to yourselves. We’ll meet down here every two days, same time.” Tobias takes a deep breath before continuing, “As of right now we are the only hope the city has against whatever these intruders are planning.”


	6. Chapter 5

_We all are living in a dream, but life ain’t what it seems, oh everything’s a mess. And all these sorrows I have seen, they lead me to believe, that everything’s a mess. ~ Imagine Dragons, Dream_

 

**CHAPTER 5**

 

            “Wow, you look like shit.”

            I can’t help but laugh as Christina approaches me. I, of course, am in the training room. I’m surprised to see Christina though. Our next “meeting” isn’t until tomorrow.

            “What are you doing here?”

            “I can’t check up on my best friend?” Christina asks with fake innocence.

            I laugh and sit down in the middle of the room. We have it to ourselves for the time being. All of the trainees are at lunch. I haven’t been able to eat much in the past few days, so I decided to skip it again and enjoy the empty room. “What are you really doing here?” I ask her.

            “I just wanted to let you know that if you need anything . . . I’m here,” she says softly. Very un-Christina like, but I appreciate the sentiment.

            “Thanks. But I don’t think there’s anything anyone can do.”

            She sighs. “I know. But just know I’m here, okay?”

            I smile at her, already feeling comforted. Even though there really isn’t anything she can do, physically, right now it is just nice to know we have people on our side. Especially when we don’t even know whom we can and can’t trust.

            “Okay, now help me up,” I sigh. I shouldn’t have sat down. Now my muscles are tight and sore and I still have an afternoon of courses to get through.

            I am excited for the courses though. Apparently they used some land behind the compound to build some obstacle course to help test the trainees in real-life situations. There are motorized targets, sound effects, and different levels of difficulty to go through. It’s almost like a real-life simulation, hopefully without the years of mental scaring those left though.

            Christina hops to her feet and holds both of her hands out for me, pulling me up with a swift tug.

            “I’m too old for this shit,” I mumble, stretching out my back once I’m on my feet again.

            “Marlene was showing me these stretches a few weeks ago – oh, this’ll be perfect! I’m helping you already!” Christina chuckles. She pulls me over to the padded ring and sits me down in front of her.

            “Great, now I won’t be able to get up again,” I grumble.

            “Calm down. This’ll help stretch out your muscles.”

            For the next hour Christina and I go through various poses that actually do make me feel better. I know we look like complete idiots based on the looks I get from the trainees once they return, but I don’t care. After an hour of Christina’s odd stretches I actually do feel more prepared for the course.

            “See, _this_ is why Christina wasn’t in charge of training transfers. She could have talked them into anything.”

            A snort involuntarily escapes me. “Shut up. It helps.”

            “This’ll make her more . . . bendy. You should be thanking me, Tobias.”

            “Well then, by all means, continue,” I open my eyes and glare at Tobias as he motions for us to continue.

            Instead, I hop up and smile at Christina as she does the same.

            “Told you it would make you feel better! I’m off to pick up Penny. See you two later!” Christina waves to us over her shoulder as she leaves, looking pretty pleased with herself.

            “What are you doing here?” I ask Tobias, giving him a quick kiss.

            “I’m here for the course,” he says, taking my hand and leading me out of the room.

            “Have you ever done it?” I ask him as we continue out of the compound and get closer to where the course compound is.

            “No. They asked for my input when creating it, what situations would be most beneficial for the trainees, things like that. But I don’t know what made the final cut,” Tobias shrugs, but I feel like his indifference is faked for my benefit. I heard a few of the trainees talking about it, and apparently the course can get pretty intense.

            From what I gathered, there are three levels you can go through, and in order to become a member of the city security you have to pass all three. I don’t know what qualifies as passing though.

            Tobias and I come to a stop in front of a building much larger than I was imagining. It could probably fit . . . twenty of my old Abnegation homes in it.

            “I think the term course implies something . . . smaller. This is . . . I don’t know what this is,” I mumble, mostly talking to myself, but I think Tobias probably heard me.

            “We put it up a few years ago. The trainees really seem to get a lot out of it,” Tobias hesitates before continuing. “Some of them have dropped out of the program after going through it. It can be too much for some people, but we want the best protecting our city.”

            I wonder what too much for a normal person is, compared to what too much is for myself.

            “If you get overwhelmed you can stop. Don’t push yourself too far.”

            I give Tobias a small nod. It’s been in the back of my mind that the second I’m out in a situation like this I’m just going to break down. I don’t think I ever really dealt with any of my experiences from Erudite and the war. I mostly just pushed everything out of my mind and tried to keep it there for the past decade. I know it probably isn’t the healthiest way to deal with my issues, but it has worked for me so far.

            I had been doing fine until all of this started. It seems like every day now I’m reliving one of my worst memories. It’s exhausting.

            “I know you’re working yourself ragged so you’re too tired at night for the nightmares.”

            Busted.

            “It’s not just that,” I admit. But my body starts to feel too heavy to keep up, so I slump into Tobias. His arm immediately wraps around me, supporting me not only physically, but emotionally as well. We stand there for a moment, before Tobias pulls back and gives me a sweet kiss on my forehead.

            He doesn’t press me any further. He won’t until he can see that I’m open to it. He knows from experience that if he pushes too much, too soon, it’ll just lead to a fight.

            “C’mon,” Tobias tugs me to the small shed-like structure. There are two smaller buildings next to the actual course. One I know to be a control room where the administrators can monitor your progress through the course.

            Tobias leads me to a smaller building that I don’t think could possibly be large enough to be the control room. He opens the door and I’m met with stacks of weapons and hanging protective vests and padding.

            “We don’t use paintballs anymore. These are simulated bullets. They won’t actually penetrate you, but they will hurt like a bitch. They are also the same weight as an actual bullet so your weapon will look, feel, and sound like an actual gun. Here, put this on,” Tobias grabs a protective vest and holds it out for me. I slide my arms through easily.

            “This is much more . . . realistic than I thought it was going to be,” I admit. I thought it would be a small obstacle course outside, maybe a cardboard target or two to shoot at as I run past. If I need a vest it means not only am I shooting at targets, but there are things shooting at me, too.

            “You’ll be fine. Even the hardest level wont compare to what you’ve actually been through.”

            I sigh, unsure if that should comfort me or not.

            Zeke and Uriah approach us as I tie my hair up out of my way, and Tobias zips my vest up.

            “You ready for this, Tris?” Uriah asks, an excited smirk on his face.

            “Absolutely not,” I reply.

            “Ah, you’ll do great. We’ll start out on the easiest level and work our way up.”

            Uriah has been in charge of the course since it opened. He’s still Zeke’s second in command in terms of the security force, but I know he loves his time at the training course.

            “Okay. Let’s go.”

 

~.~.~

 

            My whole body feels like a live wire. It feels like every muscle in my body is vibrating, and I can’t calm myself down. I let the cold water of the shower wash over me, hoping it will help calm my body down, but it hasn’t worked for the past five minutes.

            The course was absolute torture. It was better than simulations in the sense that you’re not personally attached to what is going on, as I had been in so many simulations. But it was also _real_. There were real shots being fired around you, real missions you had to accomplish, real situations that hit too close to home for me.

            I’m divergent. I know when I’m in a simulation that nothing that happens will actually have any repercussions on me in real life. That is not the case in this course. After hours in there, you forget you’re just in a course. Everything becomes real. Even the sting of the bullets.

            I had a protective vest on, so I wasn’t shot anywhere on my torso, but I did take a few shots on my arms and legs. They hurt like hell. That’s only part of my issue right now though.

            I spent five hours in there. Tobias was called away after three. He told me not to stay in too long, but of course I didn’t listen. I just can’t come down from whatever this is. Adrenaline. Fear. Anxiety.

            I.

            Can’t.

            Handle.

            This.

            A pair of arms wraps around my naked waist and pull me into a warm chest. I know it is meant to be comforting, but I fight against the sudden intrusion. I’m too weak to make any impact though.

            “Shh. Its okay. Its okay,” Tobias whispers to me, squeezing my convulsing body to his. “Its okay,” he repeats.

            “I – I’m sorry,” I stutter. I don’t know what exactly I’m apologizing for. Maybe for what seems like my millionth breakdown in the last week, or maybe for ignoring his warning not to stay in the course for too long.

            Tobias turns off the shower and picks me up easily, resting me in his arms. The warmth from his body and his strong arms do little to soothe the violent tremors still coursing through my body. He sets me on the bed, immediately covering my body with his.

            He doesn’t say anything; he doesn’t have to in order to know what my problem is. He just lies with me until I eventually fall into a restless slumber.

 

~.~.~

 

            Tobias convinces me to take things easy for the next two days. The first day after I went through the course I spend with Drew, cuddled up in our apartment. I felt like I hadn’t seen him in weeks. I know, for now, my training is more important, but I don’t want to miss out on his childhood too much either. Tobias came home early that night to spend some time with us too. It was as close to normal as we could get for the time being.

            The next day I spend the morning with Drew and take him to the daycare in the afternoon so I can get back to some light training. Tobias rescheduled our group meeting for today so I could recover from the course yesterday. So, we’re now sitting at the bottom of the Chasm, waiting for our closest friends to arrive.

            “Did you hear anything?” I ask Tobias.

            “Well, I certainly did,” Zeke replies as he approaches us.

            We wait a few more minutes for the rest of our group to arrive before we ask Zeke what he knows.

            “I’ve had three guys ask me about my friendship with you two,” Zeke points to Tobias and I before continuing. “How often we talk, if we stayed close after the war, that kind of thing.”

            “Seeing how close you are to us . . . they want you to spy on us,” Tobias concludes.

            “Exactly. I was pretty vague, told them we were close, but not as close as we were. Figured I could try to turn the tables on them.”

            “Who was it that approached you?” I ask.

            “Three low level security guards. They’re nobody important. I’ll get you their personnel files, Tobias.”

            “So, what do we do with this?” Uriah asks.

            “We all keep our distance from each other. No one can know we’re working together. We’ll still be friendly in public situations, but no more visits,” Tobias eyes Christina when he says this. “The minute they know we’re suspicious our advantage is gone.”

            “How are you doing?” Lynn asks, looking to me.

            “I’m better, thanks,” I reply, giving her the best smile I can manage.

            “I’ve been in that course. It’s rough going through one level a day, let alone all three at once,” Uriah comments.

            “There’s one more thing,” Tobias says, looking at me carefully. “Caleb has finished your fear landscape serum. He had a meeting with all three leaders today. I tried to push it back but . . . everyone is adamant that we put you through it as soon as possible. You’ll have to go through your fear landscape tomorrow.”

            Fuck.

 

~.~.~

 

            “This was a stupid idea,” I grumble as Tobias and I walk toward the fear landscape room the next day.

            “Yes, it was,” Tobias agrees. He’s tried to be as comforting and supportive as he can, but neither of us is looking forward to this. Tobias didn’t want me going through it before we knew that Grey might be in on . . . whatever is happening. Now he’ll have all of the same divergent information we will. But there’s no way around it now.

            “You’ll be fine though,” Tobias says. He pulls me to a secluded corner, just a few feet away from the door to the room we’re headed to. He presses the length of his body as close as possible against mine. One of his hands cups my cheek, and the other wraps around my waist, pulling me impossibly closer to him. “You’re the bravest woman I’ve ever known. I love you.”

            My eyes well up, and a few tears spill out of them before I can help it. “I love you,” I whisper.

            Our moment is broken when we hear a crowd approaching. We separate and look down the hall and see Hector approaching with a group of both trainees and officers behind him. He may not be in our circle, but I know he knows something is up. He gives us a sad glance as he approaches.

            “Grey told me to bring these guys up here. Says it’ll be a good thing for them to see.”

            “Of course he did,” Tobias grumbles, leading me into the fear landscape room.

            Seeing the group of people in the room makes me furious. This is not what I agreed to, but I know better than to bring it up to Grey. We can’t give him any reason to doubt us.

            Tobias leads me to the all too familiar chair. I lay back, resting my head against the uncomfortable leather, and watch as Caleb talks to Tobias. My heart rate picks up when I see him hand Tobias a syringe.

            Tobias approaches me then, syringe in hand. His eyes, his usually comforting and playful blue eyes, are dark and sad and torn. He stands next to me for a moment and squeezes my hand. He knows there is nothing he could say to comfort me right now.

            “Be brave, Tris,” he whispers before sticking the needle in my neck.

 

~.~.~

 

            It’s dark.

            Not pitch black, there is a hint of moonlight coming from above, but thick clouds cover it for the most part. I start walking, unsure of what else I could really do, when I hear a slight fluttering above me. Then, a small black crow perches on my shoulder.

            It must be a baby. I doubt it weighs more than five pounds. I look at the little guy on my shoulder and actually crack a smile. He’s pretty cute. I reach up to stroke his feathers, when a deafening screech sounds in the field.

            It is too dark to see the swarm of crows coming at me, but I know they’re there. I start to run, even though I know it’s useless. They reach me and immediately start pecking at my exposed flesh, ripping any clothing that gets in their way.

            My instinct is to fight. To get them off of me and try to keep running, but I know. I know that won’t work.

            So I stop.

            I lie down.

            And I breathe.

            Then the ground disappears beneath me.

            I fall for a few short seconds before I land in a small puddle of water, surrounded by darkness. I can feel the water start to rise at my ankles, quickly making its way up toward my knees. I look around, remembering the glass box I easily broke last time I was in my fear landscape. My hands search around me, but are only met with the water that has now risen to my stomach.

            I search for a few more seconds before I decide to forget everything about my old fear landscape. I focus on taking deep breaths, but then there is a loud _woosh_ and walls close in on me, causing the water surrounding me to now be well over my head. I don’t think; I just swim.

            I swim up as fast as I can, because there is no top to this box. My lungs burn and my arms get weak, but when I look up I can see the end of the water. I push myself a little bit further, but the second I reach the top the box shatters and I’m falling again.

            I don’t end up in the same room though.

            I’m at Erudite.

            Lying on the floor, gasping for breath, I look around at the all too familiar room. The cot in the corner, the crisp white walls, everything is exactly the same.

            The door opens and Peter enters.

            “Fucking Peter,” I grumble, annoyed to see him even in my landscape.

            He grabs my arm roughly and pulls me out of the room. I’m led through Erudite, but I don’t see any Dauntless Traitors like I did when this actually happened. It makes me uneasy.

            I try to squirm out of Peter’s grasp, but he’s too strong. I use his distraction with my squirming to quickly reach around him and grab his gun. I don’t hesitate to put a bullet through his head.

            I start to run, but the first door I get through is filled with blue. Hundreds of Erudite standing in front of me, every one of them holding syringe filled with death serum.

            I just start shooting. But after the first shot is off I’m no longer at Erudite. I’m in the Dauntless training room, surrounded by my initiate class.

            There is a target across from me, directly where I was shooting the group of Erudite. Instead of a cluster of holes around the center, as I’ve been able to do for nearly fifteen years, there isn’t a single shot that made the target.

            “Pathetic, Stiff,” I hear a familiar voice say next to me. I look over and see Tobias. _Eighteen-year-old Tobias!_

            Even though I’m in my landscape, and even though I know he’s not real, I can’t help but smile at him.

            “You won’t be smiling when you’ve got a bullet in your head because you can’t aim, Stiff.”

            “We should just cut her now, she’s never going to make it.”

            “Don’t know why they even let Stiff’s transfer to Dauntless. What a waste.”

            “Just . . . get rid of her, Four.”

            Insults come at me from every direction. From Tobias. From Peter. Even from Christina. But it is Peter who eventually acts. He wraps a beefy arm around my neck and lifts me off of the ground.

            I have the gun that was empty after my target practice still in my hand. I press it against Peter’s temple behind me, close my eyes, and shoot.

            The room is dark again.

            Tobias and Drew sit in front of me, both blindfolded. The weight of something in my hand catches my attention, and I look down to see a belt in it. Then the screaming starts.

            I don’t know where it is coming from, but a mans voice invades my head. Telling me I have to hurt my husband or my son. Over and over.

            I don’t move.

            I drop the belt.

            Then I feel the sting of leather on my cheek.

            My eyes snap open and I’m panting on the fear landscape chair, surrounded by silence.

            I sit up, clutching my stomach as I try to catch my breath. Tobias approaches me, slowly and with his hands up, like I’m afraid he’ll hurt me.

            “It’s okay. You’re done,” he tells me.

            I slide out of the chair, and my legs nearly give out. Tobias catches me.

            “Tris,” Tobias breathes out. “That only took you three minutes.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'd love to know what you think... Leave a review and let me know!


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